Conversations to learn by

One bright early morning at sea I had this conversation.

Sailor: "I had a dream about you last night."
Me: "That's a hell of a thing to say first thing in the morning."
Sailor: "You're right, I'm sorry. Forget I said anything."
Me: "Oh hell no, you can't do that. What was it about?"
Sailor: "No you are right, it is inappropriate and I shouldn't have brought it up."
Me: "..."

Another awkward instance.

Friend: "What? You aren't curious about your friends sex lives?"
Me: "Well sure, but I don't talk behind their back. I mean what if they were talking about me? I would hate that, so I don't talk about them. Except those noisy neighbors. That wasn't exactly being kept quiet and I don't know them."
Me: "Wait... if you have ever heard anybody talk about me you have to tell me."
Me: "Answer the question!"
Friend: "Was there a question in there?"

LIE. Problem solved. My brain is a terrible place to be left alone and I can think of the worst possible answers. Either tell me the truth (it really has to be better than what I think) or lie. Tell me I was harpooning whales with pixie stix in your dream or that everyone is agreed I must be great in the sack. We get a laugh at the silly dream, I feel a little better and no one's feelings are hurt.


Oh how I love the sea!

the Wind, it tangles
the Spray, it smudges
and my glasses are clouded with Salt.
the Air is fresh, and delicious
heavy with the promise of bounty.
Secrets below the waves
clues to our existence
solutions to our woe
Secrets below the waves
of life
of heaven
and earth
of dinner.

or maybe
nothing at all.


Love me some Oregon

I am once again working aboard Oregon State University's R/V Wecoma out of Newport, OR. We arrived a day or so before we were really needed (mostly because our compressor arrived late, as usual) so I had some time to wander about one of my favorite places on the West Coast to visit. The weather was exactly what I like too. Rainy, cloudy, cool.

Went to Yaquina Head Lighthouse and checked out Cobble Beach and Quarry Cove, we were both a little disappointed to miss low-tide as we wanted to check out the pools, but we saw harbor seals. Agate Beach was also gorgeous, lots of dunes and misty photos.

The food has been fantastic, Rogue beers (Old Crusty is delicious and will knock you on your ass), steamer clams, sides of crab (I am never ordering a dish again without asking if I can get it with a side of crab), fresh berries, marionberry stuffed french toast (it was HUGE!)

I have been a knitting fool working on a baby blanket for a friend of mine who has only just heard the heartbeat. My knitting group had a swap not long before I left. We built a yarn/needle/book mountain in the middle of someone's living room and swapped till we couldn't swap no more. It was a lot of fun. I walked away with 12 skeins of Vanna's Choice and a a blanket that had been started with it which I am expanding on for the baby. There was a pattern in the bag, but I have decided on just randomly placing "bricks" of color and it is coming out semi-log blanket-ish but a little more random.

I'm running out of yarn (not altogether, just traveling with me) and am toying with starting to add modular bricks, so I don't have to add sections the entire length of the blanket. I'm afraid running out would hold me up and who wants to waste knitting mojo? It could never return. Not to mention I would hate to feel like I had to buy more when I got to Newport (found it at the local Fred Meyer) when I have EIGHT more skeins at home.

In other knitting news I found a knitted French press cozy at the Newport Farmer's Market. I never ever thought about that before, but it makes a lot of sense as they are usually glass and glass is not very insulating. They were very cute and usually, when I come across something knitted that I love, my first instinct is to try to work something similar out on my own, sans pattern. However, this time I knew I didn't want to work it out. Someone else had perfected it and knit it up and had it available. Not to mention, she was trying to make a living. So I bought one. I don't have a French press. I'm not that cool, but a certain sister does. And I think she'll love it.

Only a few more days at sea. It is a short trip.

For those reading this on Facebook, you probably want to come to the blog to make sure you see the pictures. Did I mention the steamer clams were FANTASTIC?


Far from home and learning to live

I miss home. I miss it so much it burns me. I stalk my friends and family on the web and find out what they are doing without me. Especially anytime more than one of them congregate and have fun. I get jealous. And lonelier. I don't know how to deal with that. Every day I feel more and more sequestered from my family. My few visits home are not enough to catch up with the months we are apart.

My plan of attack has been to re-build my life, incorporating those I'm separated from as much as possible, but making new friends in my new home. Making my new home someplace I adore and want to be. Making new friends is difficult and exhausting. I feel I am constantly on my best behavior trying to sell myself. Wearing a facade that gets heavy.

This week I had a visitor from home and it was everything I needed and wanted. Someone who loves me all the time no matter my emotional or mental status. I didn't have to behave myself. I didn't have to be funny or smart or pretty. I didn't have to entertain or cater. Every moment spent together was just perfect for both of us, no matter what we were doing. It was like taking off a suit of armor I didn't realize I had been wearing and taking a long overdue deep breath.

I was informed that I was missed, but he was supremely impressed with the life I had created for myself here. I have to admit it gets better and better all the time and I love and appreciate the friends I have made here. However, the call from home is constantly ringing in the background. I would give anything to relive 2005/2006. I was in love, surrounded by good friends and content.

Now I am alone again and it is back to the war. Make new friends, live happily and well rounded, find someone to love, and finish my knitting projects.

where would we be
who would we become
us or me
home is with you
and him
and she
a beat there
another here
never again to be whole
never again complete